A Positive Impact.

As I write, I am listening to my station docked ipod, and being mesmerised by David Gilmour's www.davidgilmour.com/ 'Echoes'(live), a track from 'Live in Gdansk'.

I hope to end this year by attending at least two additional live music concerts, Living Colour www.myspace.com/livingcolourmusic and Angie Stone www.angiestoneonline.net both at the Jazz Cafe www.jazzcafe.co.uk

Today is my day off as I will be working this weekend. This morning, I have an appointment at Morris Roots www.morris-roots.com

This afternoon, I will be going to the Dulwich Picture Gallery www.dulwichpicturegallery.org.uk to view the 'What Are You Like? Self-revealing artworks by forty people in the public eye' exhibition.

This evening, I will be attending a film showing of 'More Than Skin Deep - Black Germany: A view from the Arts' at Nettleford Hall. This event has been organised as part of the Lambeth Black History Month 2008 www.lambeth.gov.uk/blackhistorymonth/

Tonight, I will be present for 'The Night Shift' www.oae.co.uk/thenightshift at the Southbank Centre www.southbankcentre.co.uk It is decribed as being 'Classical Music: Minus the Rules'

I am now listening to 'All I want is you' from the 'Rattle and Hum' u2 www.u2.com c.d, and looking forward to the rest of the day.

Exercising Some Growth In My Life.

I feel chuffed to now have my issue 151, December 2008, copy of DIVA www.divamag.co.uk I have only had time to glance through it, so far, but the article titled 'How Hillary and Sarah Changed my life' USA Politics while Sarah Palin makes us fear for the future of women in US politics, DIVA finds there are a surprising number of lesbian hopefuls working away in the background. words Joanna Walters has already caught my attention.

I am extremely pleased, to have been able to book tickets for my son and myself to see the forthcoming performances of 'The Little Prince' by Antoine de Saint-Exupery at Hampstead Theatre www.hampsteadtheatre.com and 'Hansel and Gretel' at Theatre Royal, Stratford East www.stratfordeast.com

I am also delighted to have timetable and dates finalised, for a (Your Stories) short film, in which I will be featured, with Open Up www.openuptoolkit.net support, during my November 2008, annual leave.

I am thrilled to have received my ticket for the 3rd Stonewall Awards www.stonewall.org.uk/awards which will take place at the V&A museum, on Thursday 6th November 2008.

I feel honoured to have received my official invitation, for the reception being hosted by The Rt Hon Harriet Harman QC MP, at the House of Commons, on Monday 3rd November 2008.

I also feel lucky to have been able to book an appointment, for tomorrow morning, at my 'Morris Roots' www.morris-roots.com hairdressers.

It's Not All Or Nothing, It Degrees.

Yesterday morning, I collected my anti-psychotic 'Stella' medication from www.slam.nhs.uk and picked up a www.pals.slam.nhs.uk leaflet, and some other information including some on www.iop.kcl.ac.uk I also made a decision to contact Lambeth Mind www.lambethmind.org.uk

I ended the day, watching the extremely enjoyable, appropriate and well attended performance of 'American Briefs' at Above The Stag Theatre www.abovethestag.com
www.shamelessboyz.com

The proceeds of last night's performance will be donated to Stonewall www.stonewall.org.uk

Open Up News.

The following is the latest news, straight from the Open Up e-bulletin!

Mental Health Media joining forces with Mind.
We are pleased to announce that our parent charity, Mental Health Media, has taken the decision to join forces with Mind. We hope that the merger will put a powerful infrastructure behind our work giving a strong voice to people with direct experience of mental distress.
Combining expertise and sharing their vast networks will provide both charities with a solid footing to empower people with experience of mental distress through projects such as Open Up. Open Up will remain part of the Time to Change campaign and its work will not be affected by the merger.
Mental Health Media's Chief Executive Maggie Gibbons said: "We're delighted to be working with Mind. We want to reach more people with mental health problems and work alongside them to understand what they are experiencing and to enable them to develop a powerful voice."
For more details please visit our website on www.openuptoolkit.net.

Regional Events

London:
Southwark Mind's Kindred Minds project presents "DOING IT FOR OURSELVES" - a creative space for service users/ survivors from black and minority ethnic communities across London to celebrate identity and culture. WEDNESDAY 29th OCTOBER 2008. 10am - 5pm, Morley College, 61 Westminster Bridge Road, SE1 7HT
Inspirational talks, creative workshops, film-making, holistic therapies.... Open to all black and minority ethnic users/ survivors of the mental health system. PLACES ARE FREE BUT LIMITED, BOOKING ESSENTIAL email kindredminds@yahoo.co.uk or phone 020 7277 2086 to reserve your place, stating whether you need creche facilities or have other particular access needs.

London:
Gerald Francis O’Dowd and Kevin Antony O’Dowd present their first solo exhibition at the Citizens Gallery Woolwich, 151 Powis Street, SE18 6JL. From 28th – 31st October, including paintings, sculpture, photography and poetry. For more information please call 020 8855 3240.

The Serenity Prayer.

However we understand the term 'God'. (He, she or it).

God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things that I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

'Trust Through Friendship, Peace Through Trust'

This motto is a guide of the SGI-UK www.sgi-uk.org and with it firmly placed in the forefront of my mind, I have had an amazing day.

It started with my regular morning attendance at my local Quaker www.quaker.org.uk/different meeting. Today, during some of the silence, I was reading the No 68 Autumn 2008, 'Quaker News', which is a quarterly update on Quaker work in the care of Britain Yearly Meeting. As I read the article titled 'Launching the next generation of peaceworkers', I was interested and started to muse on thoughts of positioning myself, more in the centre 'of the Quaker bed'.

At the end of the meeting for worship, an anouncement was made which offered the opportunity for involvement with the 'Make a mark for peace: Quaker peaceworkers appeal 2008-2009. I decided to offer my services, and thankfully my offer was accepted.

After staying to converse over a cup of herbal tea, I made my way to the SGI-UK South London National Centre (SLNC) to do daimoku (chant) for half an hour. Whilst at the SLNC I purchased issue no 87, September 2008, 'Art of Living', a Buddhist magazine. This issue is titled 'Sharing the heart of the Buddha'.

In my SGI-UK district, we practice 'Kosen-rufu' on the first Sunday of each month. Kosen-rufu means, to secure lasting peace through spreading the teachings and values of Nichiren Buddhism.

From The Mouths Of Babes.

I spent a wonderful afternoon with my son.

When I arrived at my son's home, he was in the middle of building some small lego www.lego.com/ vehicles. After he finished this activity, he showed me the book that he is currently reading: 'Dragon' by Hilary McKay. I was impressed.

True to form, and at my son's request, we started our afternoon together by going to McDonald's. We then chose to take the buses to 'The Cartoon Museum' www.cartooncentre.com/ Our attendance at 'The Cartoon Museum', today allowed us to enjoy the Beano and Dandy 70th Birthday Bash, which is on until 2nd November 2008. As well as this treat, we were also able to view the wider museum. My son was very interested in quite a number, of the early cartoons, and spent time reading many of them, out loud and laughing.

We then made our way to 'The Cabinet War Rooms and Churchill Museum' www.cwr.iwm.org.uk/ As we approached the museum, my son mentioned that Barack Obama www.barackobama.com/ may become the President. My son's comment surprised me. Maybe this is a playground topic in his Steiner school, or perhaps his generation is going to break the habit of previous generations, and actually take an interest and most importantly -vote!

This was the second time that we had visited 'The Cabinet War Rooms and Churchill Museum'. My son could not remember his first visit, which was when he was five years old, and prior to how it is arranged today. This means that he may not remember visiting 'Chartwell' www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-chartwell on several occasions with me, when he was slightly younger.

My son made was facinated and paid particular attention to the footages of Sir Winston Churchill's funeral. At the end of the tour, he asked if he could leave a comment for the museum. I said that he could, so in true Steiner style, he drew his comments.

On the way home on the bus, my son asked me to read to him. The book that he selected was the comic book 'The Bash Street Kids in Space'. To be able to participate in the activity of reading to my son, was a pleasure for me. I had been reading to him several times each day, every day, since before his birth. I had taken out a library membership for him, very early in his life and bought countless books for him. It reminded me that, the last time that I had read a comic to my son, was when he was six and a half years old. This was during our weekly, hour and a half, supervised access, when I would take him to the nearest local shop, to the Social Services building, so that he could choose, amongst other things, several comics of his choice, which I would buy and read to him during our access time.

A Greater Degree Of Understanding.

One day, this week, I went to Kingsland High Street, Dalston. I went there to visit 'Studio Upstairs' www.studioupstairs.org.uk which is a working arts studio within a therapeutic framework. This visit brought to my mind, memories of my rich and varied employment, (full-time) with 'The Psychiatric Rehabilitation Association' (PRA) www.praservices.org.uk/ which I joined in 1984, in their 'Silver Jubilee' (25th) year. I thoroughly enjoyed working with PRA.

I left PRA in 1986, to spend the next five years working full-time, in the heart of Soho, at Fifty-nine (59) Greek Street, Women's Hostel www.infed.org/walking/wa-soho.htm Formally known as The Theatre Girls Club www.wmm.com/filmcatalog/pages/c686.shtml During my time with '59' I was employed as a Lesbian Hostel Rehousing & Resettlement Worker, a Medical Worker and a Admin Worker. I enjoyed the rich and diverse work experience at '59'.

Before going to work today, Grace rang me to say 'goodbye'. She starts her Approved Social Work (ASW) training next week. She reminded me that I will need to next collect my anti-psychotic 'Stella' medication, sometime during the morning of Tues 28th Oct 08, before I go to work. I will miss her.

I also stopped off at The Ritzy Cinema www.picturehouses.co.uk/site/cinemas/ritzy/local.htm to purchase my ticket for The London TransGender FilmFestival 2008, Fri 7th Nov 08, Opening Night Films and AFTERPARTY..........
I am looking forward to the feature film 'The BELIEVERS', which is the story of the World's first transgender gospel choir...

Today I also secured a ticket to see 'American Briefs' performed on Tues 28th Oct 08, at the Stag theatre. 'American Briefs' is a production of ten plays, linked together. All proceeds on the night of this not-to-be missed performance on the 28th Oct, will go to Stonewall www.stonewall.org.uk

Being Valued.

This evening, I attended a Buddhist Meditation Group for the first time at Kairos in Soho www.kairosinsoho.org.uk I felt really relaxed after the session.

Whilst in Soho, I visited 'First Out Cafe-Bar www.firstoutcafebar.com/ to collect a copy of 'The Pink Paper' www.pinkpaper.com After seeing Boy George's image, with the words Music, Men and Madness, on the front cover of 'Out in the City' www.outmag.co.uk The Ultimate Guide to Gay London, plus a photo and article relating to my Sweetie-pie, Julian Clary, I collected this magazine too.

I'll be on holiday from work for a few weeks in November, and I have set aside several books to read, such as: 'Take it like a man' the autobiography of Boy George with Spencer Bright, 'A Young Man's Passage' by Julian Clary, 'Ellen' The real story of Ellen DeGeneres by Kathleen Tracy, 'The Fires of Bride' by Ellen Galford, 'Trumpet' by Jackie Kay, 'Borrowed Body' by Valerie Mason-John, 'How to become a Virgin' by Quentin Crisp, 'Selected Poems' by Langston Hughes, 'Warrior Poet' a biography of Audre Lorde by Alexis De Veaux and 'Moab is my washpot' by Stephen Fry.

On route home, via Clapham High street, I collected some information on Pride Life http://www.pridelife.co.uk/ and GFest 08 - gayWise LGBT arts festival http://www.gaywisefestival.org.uk/

Onwards And Upwards!

At this moment in time, I am feeling really disappointed. The reason is a work related one. Unfortunately, I have just read a letter which has informed me - as project lead person- that our Westminster team has been unsuccessful, in our application to 'Open Up' www.openuptoolkit.net , to secure an Initiative programme.

I will ponder this setback and consult with my team members about how we can best 'up' our game.

In the meantime, I will pause to browse http://www.thelittletourcompany.com which is a tour holiday company exclusively for women. I will also investigate 'Crave' http://www.cravewomen.co.uk the new lesbian magazine.

Experience Is The Greatest Teacher.

Today I experienced another 'growth' day.

It started with my visit to 'Corearts' www.corearts.co.uk core arts exists to promote the artistic and creative abilities of people who experience severe and enduring mental health issues. After this visit, I took another look at http://www.zyra.org.uk/madlinks.htm as a result of looking at http://www.zyra.org.uk/madpride.htm the late Pete Shaughnessy's 'Mad Pride' legacy.

I have also arranged to take my son to visit my mother on Saturday 22nd November 2008, after speaking with my mother today. I feel fortunate to have been able to schedule this visit, as she is a very busy woman.

This evening I attended 'Lambeth's Black Queer Pulse' at the Minet Library. This event was part of Lambeth's Black History Month, and 'Rukus' www.rukus.co.uk played a big part in making it possible, as well as Lambeth Libraries and archives. This Black LGBT event was productive and well attended.

The panel were:
Topher Campbell, who is amongst other things co-founder of rukus! (the other co-founder is Ajamu), Linda Bellos OBE - Director of Diversity Solutions Consultancy Ltd www.diversity-solutions.com Dennis Carney, Neville Fleming and Ted Walker-Brown, who amongst other things, is also the brother of Jacqueline Walker - writer of the book 'Pilgrim State'.

First Class Joy.

Today I arrived home from work, to find an envelope waiting for me which contained several birthday cards from my son's Steiner school class mates. The individual handmade cards have been personally designed and written in, by each child. I feel so privileged to be the recipient of such a sustained intensity of unquantifiable and unexpected pleasure.

Even though I had last spoken to my son on Saturday and confirmed that this Saturday, we will be visiting the Cartoon museum www.timeout.com/london/museums-attractions/events/781753/beano-and-dandy-birthday-bash.html
I quite naturally I rang my son again - this time to convey my gratitude to him and his friends -which he took in his stride.

Whilst on the theme of birthday gifts, my first cousin Brian rang and I received from - a friend -amongst other things, fresh flowers -roses and two c.ds to add to my collection, treasure and listen to, of course. The first c.d is 'Back to Black' by Amy Winehouse www.amywinehouse.co.uk and the second c.d is 'Keep On' by Will Young www.willyoung.co.uk/

The 2008 Frieze Art Fair.

Artist: Vannessa Teperson displays an item of her artwork.














Today I spent an enjoyable day at the Frieze Art Fair http://www.frieze.com/ in Regents Park. Outside in the Sculpture Park, I found Subodh Gupta's striking artwork titled 'Mind Shut Down' 2008 Hauser & Wirth, irresistable.

Painting The Town Red.

I have received a beautiful birthday card and gift, including the wonderful giftbook 'The Love Between Mothers and Sons' by Helen Exley.

I found the current 'Keep Smiling Through: Black Londoners on the Home Front 1939 to 1945' exhibition at the Cuming museum www.southwark.gov.uk/cumingmuseum, enlightening, and the 'Researching Caribbean Family History' illustrated talk by Patrick Vernon, founder of Every Generation Media/ Foundation www.everygeneration.co.uk and www.100greatblackbritons.co.uk helpful.

I attended the 'Be a councillor' www.beacouncillor.org.uk information seminar, where I listened to four existing councillors (Conservative, Labour, Liberal Democrat and independent) explain how they were selected and their experience of balancing home life, work and council duties. Much like the delightful, Frank Bruno www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Bruno I have chosen the Conservatives, as the party that I would like to become affiliated with.

French & Saunders www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_and_Saunders was worth every minute. I am so pleased that I was able to see them perform the 'Still Alive' tour.

True to form, the experience of dining at Mildreds www.mildreds.co.uk Vegetarian Restaurant has left me in a state of moreishness.

Managers Leading By Example.

It was uplifting, for me to attend a showing of the brilliant 1972 film 'The Harder They Come', last night at the Nettleford Hall, West Norwood www.qype.co.uk/place/92012-WEST-NORWOOD-LIBRARY-NETTLEFORD-HALL--London with a few clients and my manager.

I had seen the theatre production 'The Harder They Come' at The Playhouse Theatre www.theambassadors.com/playhouse/info/index.html with my son and Andrew, three to four months ago, and I had thoroughly enjoyed it. I had not seen the film until last night. The film is a classic.

This evening, I will be going to see 'Keep Smiling Through: Black Londoners on the Home Front 1939 to 1945', An exhibition at the Cuming Museum www.southwark.gov.uk/cumingmuseum exploring the contributions made by black Londoners during the Second World War. I aim to attend the 'Researching Caribbean Family History' illustrated talk by Patrick Vernon, founder of Every Generation www.everygeneration.co.uk/

Here is the rest of it.

...So after reading 'Oscar Wilde' by Richard Ellmann, I will read the 'Incomplete & Utter History of Classical Music by Stephen Fry.

I have received a reminder that I am booked to attend the 'Be a councillor' information seminar this Saturday 18th October, which I am looking forward to.

This evening, I intend to watch the 1970s film, the Jamaican classic, 'The Harder They Come' at Nettleford Hall, West Norwood. It is being shown as part of Lambeth's Black History Month events.

My Main Learning Curve.

Bill Bailey's Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra, was superb. So after reading Oscar Wilde

Another Year (An Extra Gear).

There is a saying, that goes, 'things happen in threes'. Amazingly, in my case, it has been in multiples of threes. The latest three are as follows:

1. I have been given the opportunity - which I have accepted - to see Bill Bailey's www.billbailey.co.uk remarkable guide to the Orchestra, which Stephen Fry www.stephenfry.com apparently called "Wonderfully enjoyable...like driving a Rolls Royce off-road," at The Royal Albert Hall www.royalalberthall.com this evening.

2. I have received confirmation of my booking, for MindOut LGBT Mental Health Conference, that will be taking place in Brighton, at Friends' Meeting House, on Monday 3rd November 2008.

3. I have accepted, an RSVP invitation for a Minister for Women Reception, at the House of Commons, on Monday 3rd November 2008.

Aside from these, a photograph of Dolly Sen and myself, plus a cover story relating to the Thursday 9th October 2008, World Mental Health Day event, that took place in my Westminter team, has been posted on my Charities Intranet. [Sweeney-T] who also bakes his own bread, allowed me to select a sheet of homemade paper that he had made and designed. I received a beautiful birthday card in the post. Andrew, my dearest male friend, rang to wish me a belated happy birthday. My first cousin Sally, also called, and Birgit sent a text, to inform me that the tickets for French & Saunders, have arrived.

There is No Barrier.

As it is on loan to me, last night, shortly before bedtime, I began to read the book 'Oscar Wilde' by Richard Ellmann. I love all things 'Oscar', and the memories of Matthew Bourne's 'Dorian Gray' dance at Sadler's Wells www.sadlerswells.com in aid of the Terrence Higgins Trust www.tht.org.uk is still mesmerising me.

I also had a quick look in my newly acquired book 'Completely Queer' The Gay and Lesbian Encyclopedia by Steve Hogan and Lee Hudson, which was given to me as a gift, last Thursday (by Sweeney- Todd).

This morning, I browsed my copy of 'DIVA' the 150 Souvenir issue www.divamag.co.uk after committing to my diary, my intention to attend the Professor Raj Persaud, Consultant Psychiatrist at the Bethlem Royal and Maudsley Hospitals, and Emeritus Gresham Professor for the Public Understanding of Psychiatry's, 'How to be Happy' 1pm-2pm, lunchtime lecture, on Monday 17th November 2008, at St George's Hanover Square www.stgeorgeshanoversquare.org I also had a brief look at the Gresham College www.gresham.ac.uk Free Public Lectures 2008-2009 booklet.

At the moment, I am reflecting on the musicianship of Rachel Studley www.bbc.co.uk/leicester/content/articles/2005/12/08/rachel_studley_feature.shtml who also works for 'London Hearing Voices Groups Project' supporting people & organisations to set up well facilitated user-led support groups for Londoners who hear voices LHVN@mindincamden.org.uk

My Birthday Bliss.

I have had a fabulous day.

It started half an hour before midnight, when I received a birthday greetings text from, my second cousin, Lennox. Then once I viewed 00.01hrs on the clock, I opened the only birthday card in my possession, and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was decorated in multiple love hearts. Hmmm. After that, me being me, I couldn't get to sleep for the next hour.

I awoke this morning to copious texts, with birthday greetings, and found myself in a meeting this morning that ended at 9am.

I then went to work for a few hours, mainly to have my photograph taken (by Sweeney-T), at St George's Hanover Square, Mayfair http://www.stgeorgeshanoversquare.org/ with the very charming, Reverend Roderick Leece, who is a trustee of Hyde Park Place Estate Charity www.vawcvs.org/modules/ndirectory/display.php?org_id=588 for our charity organisation's staff and service users newsletter. Hyde Park Place Estate Charity, has now made it possible, for a number of our clients with mental health experience, to be able to take a holiday in 2009.

By 12.30hrs, I had left work, I had had more phone calls with birthday greetings, - plus a text from Birgit, my stalwart friend, which informed me that she has booked tickets for us to see French & Saunders perform on Saturday 18th October 2008, at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane www.theatreroyaldrurylane.co.uk after which, she will be taking me to dine 'vegan' - and was seated with Grace, my care coordinator. She gave me a birthday card and treated me to a birthday meal.

When I returned home, I found a present from my first cousin Andrea, and - joy of all joys - a gift of a 'happy birthday love from' card with the drawing of an aeroplane, plus six mini fairy cakes, from my wonderful son, which I know that he has baked with the help of his foster mother.

Transcending Childhood is a Complicated Business (But it is Unique to Everyone).

On Saturday, I took my adorable son to the Museum of Childhood http://www.museumofchildhood.org.uk/ in Bethnal Green. The last time that he came to this museum with me, he was five years old, still in his Steiner kindergarten class, and was accompanied by his six year old kindergarten friend. They spent much time, with socks and shoes off, playing in the sandpit.

My son did not seem to remember visiting this museum four years ago. He also voiced his disappointment at not being able to play in the play pen with the toddlers, in the 'under threes' section. In the end, after much thought, he satisfied his desire to ride the wooden horses.

As the mother of a nine year old son, I have found there is one thing that both he and I now have an uneasy truce about, and that is his increasing reluctance to enter and use the women's toilets. It is a sign, among many, that my 'baby' is growing up.

There IS a Very Active Dialogue Going On.

http://www.inspired-stories.tv/

The 2008, World Mental Health Day, launched, pioneering Internet Television station, which is providing mental health service users with the centre - stage opportunity to tell their stories, and learn about filmmaking:

'Inspired Stories TV
Promoting mental wellbeing through storytellingFilms by and for people with lived experience
The station will be a platform for showing films and teaching filmmaking. In the long-term, we plan to make films, write manuals and run training sessions to teach filmmaking skills. Because anyone with lived experience can make films.
In November, we will ask people to send their films and 2 will be selected for screening in January 2009.
At present, there are 10 films all directed by people with lived experience.They consist of an eclectic mix covering themes including self-harm, stigma, empowerment, hearing voices, creativity and identity.
It would be great to hear your feedback and thoughts about the site as we attempt to secure funding'.

Contact: Flexible Films http://www.flexiblefilms.co.uk/

World Mental Health Day 2008.

Be imaginative - Help to re-create the way people who have experienced mental distress are viewed.

World Mental Health Day Events, a Day Early.

Me & Rachel Studley








Me & Dolly Sen

Me & John Bird

Sue France & Me

Paul Sharp & Me

Me & Emma Hutchinson

Me & Sybil Ah-mane.

It's Not Always The Obvious Things.

I found my experience, last night, of watching Don Giovanni free Online www.roh.org.uk/video deeply gratifying.

This morning I awoke feeling 'fresh', and after reading ONEinFOUR www.oneinfourmag.org contemplated the three topics that came to mind:

The first, was the feature 'They tuck you up' While many of us will experience mental health difficulties or distress, many of us will also be parents. Suzan Arisoy looks at the joys and anxieties of parenting while coping with mental health issues. As someone who has a history of mental health issues, and is also a parent, who has in part, been disenfranchised, I found this feature invigorating and apt. It's portrayal, from the experiencer's point of view, has shed much light on a subject, which in my opinion is in desperate need of illumination.

The second, was the cover story 'The burning issue?' We all know that giving up smoking can make us physically healthier and fitter. Laurie Penny explores ways of coming to the healthiest outcome you can, if giving up seems too much. Having personally become agitated and disgruntled, as a direct result of spending much time confined to a locked and smoky psychiatric ward,- whilst initially also personally being a part of the problem and not the solution - My feelings are, that to have this issue discussed, provides a much needed 'breath of fresh air'.

The third, was the feature 'The madness of politics' Mark Brown on mental health difficulties at Westminster. This brought to mind, my contact last year, with Keith Hill MP www.writetothem.com . I found his empathetic response to his constituent - me - productive. I am certain that my clients, who all have long term experiences of mental health issues, also gained greatly, from the guided tour of The Houses of Parliament and the Jewel Tower, that Keith Hill MP www.theyworkforyou.com made possible for them.

I am currently on page 66, of the riveting 'A Can of Madness' by Jason Pegler www.chipmunkapublishing.com

A Rainbow On My Horizon.

I am enchanted with the Autumn 2008, ONEinFOUR www.oneinfourmag.org The feature titled 'The madness of politics', Mark Brown on mental health difficulties at Westminster, has given me much food for thought.

Since seeing my son last, I have been contemplating various possibilities, for what we could do, when we next meet, on Saturday. I have now decided to take him to the 'Museum of Childhood' www.museumofchildhood.org.uk in Bethnal Green.

Tomorrow evening, my Westminster team - myself included - will be presenting it's own, World Mental Health Day, event for us and our clients. We are most fortunate to be having three exceptional speakers: John Bird, from The Big Issue www.bigissue.com Rachel Studley, from Hearing voices network www.hearing-voices.org and Dolly Sen http://www.dollysen.com/ , author and filmmaker. Our Chief Executive will also be present.

I am excited.

I'm going to spend the rest of my evening watching Don Giovanni free Online www.roh.org.uk/video

.

Dare To Hope.

I am really pleased to have received the 'Time to Change' www.time-to-change.org.uk issue 1, Autumn 2008, update. It is packed with information. I am especially interested in the new interactive website. Time to Change's Mind Out project is also hosting the national LGBT Mental Health conference www.lgbtmind.com , on Monday 3rd November 2008, at The Friends' Meeting House, Brighton. I am eagerly awaiting confirmation that I have a place booked.

I have been smiling, since I have found out that Ruby Wax will be presenting the Mental Health Media Awards, www.mhmawards.net which is now in its 15th year, on 25th November 2008.

Another thing that has been keeping me smiling, and was received, from 'Open Up' www.openuptoolkit.net is the news that, this Friday 10th October 2008, World Mental Health Day. Inspired-stories.tv www.inspired-stories.tv will be the first Internet TV station to give people with lived mental heath experience a platform to tell their stories and provide filmmaking skills training.

Themes include: self harm, stigma, social alienation, hearing voices, creativity and identity.

This morning, I was in high spirits after speaking to Sybil Ah-mane, Film Director, Flexible Films www.flexiblefilms.co.uk and being sent a RSVP invitation to attend a Flexible Films and IF Night of Inspired Stories Launch on Thursday 9th Oct 2008.

Two Postcards.

Attached to my work monitor, are two postcards which seem to encapsulate my position at this stage in my life. I seem to gain extra motivation, whenever I read them. One, is from 'Moving People' www.movingpeople.org.uk aka 'Time for Change', which has the message "I'm joining the fight to end mental health stigma and discrimination". The other, is from 'Stonewall' www.stonewall.org.uk which has the message, "Some People are Gay. Get over it!

I am currently thrilled about three things. First - I have had a place reserved for me, to be at the Be a councillor seminar on Saturday 18th October 2008. www.londoncouncils.gov.uk Second - I have received my tickets to see The Nutcracker with my son, on Saturday 3rd January 2009. www.roh.org.uk Third - I have managed to reserve a place for my son and myself to have Afternoon tea at The Ritz Hotel www.theritzlondon.com on Saturday 31st January 2009.

'A Love That Dare Not Speak It's Name?'

On Friday I was given information about the forthcoming, 7-9th Nov 2008, London Transgender Film Festival 2008 http://transgenderfilmfestival.co.uk/

Today I was also delighted to find a copy of 7-17th Nov 2008, 10th anniversary Black World Cinema, bfm international film festival http://www.bfmmedia.com/ booklet, in my letterbox.

While I ate a 'Kaisen Ramen' meal at Fujiyama http://www.newfujiyama.com/ a Japanese restaurant. I reflected on the fact that, this year I had not attended the 27th March - 10th April 2008, 22nd London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival www.bfi.org.uk/llgff and I wondered whether I would be attending the 15-30th Oct 2008, 52nd London Film Festival www.bfi.org.uk/lff

My initial attendance at the 1995, 38th London Film Festival, was to see the premier of 'Thin Ice', the first British Lesbian feature film. I had spent time working on 'Thin Ice' as a runner, after my first experience as a medicated in-patient in a psychiatric hospital. 'Thin Ice' was directed by Fiona Cunningham-Reid. www.imdb.com/title/tt0111413/ It is a Lesbian romantic comedy about two girls entering a figure skating competition at the Gay games in New York 1994. Steffi, an ambitious photographer and previously straight Natalie win the gold medal for Britain.

Today I recalled, just how much I used to enjoy, attending the 'Halloween Society', www.luxonline.org.uk/education/learning_tours/the_halloween_society(1).html at the Notre Dame Hall. I think it's amazing that the Halloween will be presenting the 6th London Short Film Festival, Fri 9th - Sun 18th January 2009. http://www.shortfilms.org.uk/ which has a Friday 24th October 2008, Submission deadline.

Last year I also had a fantastic time, when I attended my first Mental Health Media Awards http://www.mhmawards.net/ presentation, hosted by Trisha Goddard www.trishatv.com/ at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA), on World Mental Health Day. This year it will be held at (BAFTA), but take place on the 25th November 2008.

This evening, when I finally returned to my abode, I found a church pamphlet with the Programme for November/December 2008. I am, understandably, interested in the topic:

'A Love that dare not speak it's name?'

What is the future for Gay people in Christianity and how might the local church help Gay people find a home? 8pm Wednesday 19th November 2008, by St Mary's Putney http://www.allsaintsputney.co.uk/ The Faith Forum is titled ' For the Bible Tells Me So', Searching for an inclusive Church. I am eager to attend. But I am disappointed that I will not be able to be present at the 8pm, Wed 12th November, Screening of the award winning documentary film 'For the Bible tells me so' which examines the experiences of Gay Christians and the Churches attitude to Homosexuality.

My Ray Of Light.

I am currently listening to the track 'I wish' from a 'Prodical Son' www.gospelreggae.com c.d. He is a gospel reggae artist, whose lyrics are making me laugh, as I reminisce the five and a half hours, of wonderful time, spent with my son, yesterday.

When I collected my son from his foster parent's, I noticed that his hair, though neat - as it had been given a trim earlier in the day, was slightly longer than it has been in some years. My son had, initially told me that he wanted to grow his hair longer four years ago, but had not actioned his decision. Yesterday my son's foster father commented, that my son may well end up with hair like - Jimi Hendrix www.jimihendrix.com My son's foster father also mentioned that my son can now, and does, read his Beano www.beanotown.com magazines.

As promised, I took my son to McDonald's - at his request, and then to see my office. He met two of my colleagues - one of whom, gave him some Chelsea FC www.chelseafc.com memorabilia. This time last year, this same colleague had also given me a large Audrey Hepburn www.audreyhepburn.com 'Breakfast at Tiffany' poster for my son. My son has been fond of Audrey's image for some time. While visiting my office, my son told me that he liked the office chairs at my workplace.

Our last stop, was the Science Museum www.sciencemuseum.org.uk again. This time, not only did my son purchased some small model aeroplanes from the shop - to add to his collection, but we also enjoyed a ride on a simulator, and we watched a 3D showing of 'Monsters' in the Imax 3D Cinema.

On the way home, my son told me that he is involved in a class project at his school. The class is building a conker giant from sixty-one conkers. His teacher is making a draft and the class are 'writing' it into their books. I know, the news that my son has started the writing process in school, will be 'music to the ears' of my mother. She has spent years worrying that her beloved grandson, will arrive in adulthood - illiterate, due to a lifetime of Rudolf Steiner education. www.freedom-in-education.co.uk/Steiner.htm

Throughout our time together, yesterday, my son kept calling me 'Yvonne'. When he does this, I always respond by telling him "It's mum, to you" and start tickling him. It has become one of his way of gaining more physical attention, from me, aside from my kisses, cuddles, positive affirmations and verbally telling him that I love him. Perhaps he also did it yesterday, because he had not physically seen me for two weeks.

Going To The Extremes To Find The Centre.

Open Up Toolkit - Mental Health Media - The 'Open Up Toolkit' is a resource website established by Mental Health Media to encourage service users and survivors to come together to combat stigma...: www.openuptoolkit.net

Uniquely4girls/Champagne Dining Club - London lesbian dining club for professional gay women to meet for lunch / dinner / social events: www.uniquely4girls.co.uk

g3 magazine for lesbian and bisexual women - g3 magazine - Lesbian magazine for diva events - civil partnership guide - gaydar girls - gay pride- lesbian contacts - shop - news and fun: www.g3mag.co.uk

GT - Gay Times - Gay news, features, UK scene news and events. Including UK gay law and a worldwide gay guide. Online version of the print magazine: http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/

Central London Action on Street Health - Targets people who sell sex, gay and bisexual men, and people at risk from HIV and other blood borne viruses.
Languages spoken: Access to interpreters available.
Parent body: Camden Primary Care Trust.
Offers advice, information, counselling, support and referrals on health issues, particularly HIV/ AIDS, safer sex and drug use. Phone for a chat or an appointment. Provides sexual health and HIV advice in a variety of community settings including bars, youth groups, hostels and temporary accommodation, saunas and massage parlours, etc. Provides training to clients and staff who live and work in Camden. Condom Shop (Women only): Mon, Fri 09.00-13.00, Fri 14.30-16.30. Sexual health clinics: Mon 09.00-11.00, (women only by appointment), Fri 08.45-13.00 (women only walk in). Steroid users group: 1st Friday of every month 17.30-21.00.
Last checked: February 2008
Information taken from Cindex local information database : www.camden.gov.uk/redirect/?oid=%5Bcom.arsdigita.cms.contenttypes.SiteProxy:%7Bid=48075%7D%5D

Inspired by recently aquiring the October 2008 'g3', which features an Ani DiFranco interview, I am currently listening to Ani www.rightousbabe.com/ani online. I first became aquainted with Ani Franco's music, when my manager downloaded her 'Little Plastic Castles' and 'Puddle Dive' cd's onto my ipod. I have since purchased her 'Reprieve', 'Educated Guess' and 'Evolve' cd's. 'Little Plastic Castles' remains one of my favourite cd's, and I have been amazed by Ani DiFranco's innovative artistry throughout, especially whilst listening the track 'Two Little Girls'.

I found the 'g3' 'Bringing up Baby'..."having a child within a lesbian relationship has never been easier. Maggie Allen looks at how things have changed in recent years." topic fantastic. I find it really interesting to map progress. In my time, I consulted books such as 'Considering Parenthood' a book for lesbians thinking about becoming parents' by Cheri Pies, and 'It's a family affair' the complete lesbian parenting book by Lisa Saffron and found them extremely helpful.

This month 'g3' also interviewed some lesbian and bisexual sex workers, to find out what makes them want to turn to a profession that services men, in the report titled 'Sleeping with the Enemy'. "Prostitution is a difficult life. It can be called brave and foolish, daring and lazy, damaged and empowering. Few issues have so many contradictions at their heart. Kathryn Fox asks: Why would lesbians, of all women, make the sexual service of men a career choice?"

This report awakened memories of my four year employment as an Outreach Worker, with Central London Action on Street Health (C.L.A.S.H), prior to the onset of my personal experience of mental illness. Whilst working at C.L.A.S.H, I had a wide brief which, amongst other things, also included the Soho area female Sex Industry workers, and the regular facilitation of HIV/AIDS preventative training in Holloway Women's Prison.

An Advent Of Things Memorable.

The Besom - provides a bridge between those who want to give and those who are in need: http://www.besom.com/

Get Moving Week - is a mass participation activity in October. All over England people are organising events to promote the benefits of physical exercise...while improving their mental well being...: http://www.getmovingweek.org.uk/

Quakers : http://www.quaker.org.uk/

Lambeth Black History Month: www.lambeth.gov.uk/Services/LeisureCulture/Libraries/BlackHistoryMonth.htm

Yesterday evening, I enjoyed a delicious Eritrean meal at a restaurant in Lambeth http://www.adulis.co.uk/ This signified the start of my October 2008 celebration of Black History Month.

Quaker week also takes place within the month of October, and begins on the 4th, as does Get Moving Week. World Mental Health Day is on the 10th and last, but not least, will be my and Lady Margaret Thatcher's (the first woman to be Prime Minister of Great Britain) www.margaretthatcher.org birthday on the 13th.

Lest I Forget.

Core Trust - offers a holistic approach for people with drug, alcohol or other addictions (including to prescribed drugs and for eating disorders) through a structured day programme. Detoxification, rehabilitation, aftercare, and relapse prevention using complimentary therapies, counselling and groupwork: www.coretrust.co.uk

Antidote - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Drug & Alcohol Support - runs a drop-in centre, offering advice and support to lesbians, gay men, bisexual and transgendered people with a drug or alcohol problem. Ear acupuncture available...staffed by lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered people: www.thehungerford.org/antidote.asp

Quit - The UK Charity that helps people give up smoking - practical advice on giving up: www.quit.org.uk

Mad Pride - puts on survivors events, gigs, club nights and concerts, publishes writings and books, brings out cassettes and CDs, and runs campaigns. Mad Pride is committed to ending discrimination against psychiatric patients and celebrating mad culture: www.madpride.org.uk

Last night, I had a rough night of restless sleep and nightmarish dreams. I also seem to have caught the latest office cold, from my colleagues.

I am teetering on the edge of a self-inflicted emotional rebellion.

Whilst I do recognise that change is essential. For me, the process of change is much like, constantly ascending an unending and descending escalator, with the sole intention of reaching the unachievable summit. Constant progressive motion is required in order to maintain the same position. While resting for too long, puts one at a great disadvantage.

I know, that I am dragging my feet, and taking too long getting to action. My recognition of the need for me to change is uncomfortable, so I want to relinquish my responsibilities and 'act out'. Wrap myself in the madness, and do something outside of myself, to change the way I feel. I want to throw my dummy out of the pram! Which won't help in the long run.

Let's Go With The Evidence.

Gaydargirls - is the largest selection of lesbian personals on the web: www.gaydargirls.com

Gay and Lesbian Association of Doctors and Dentists: www.gladd.org.uk

OUTeverywhere - whatever you're into, wherever you are, Outeverywhere offers you the chance to get in touch with gay people who share your interests...: www.outeverywhere.com

Pink Sofa - is the biggest online lesbian meeting place where likeminded women can meet and interact in a comfortable and friendly environment: www.pinksofa.com

In recent days, it was suggested to me, that I consider the possibility ,that I may be a sexual anorexic. I'm not a prude, but I had never heard of such a term. I was advised to keep an open mind and google search it.

Unsurprisingly, since realising that, I exhibit a host of similarities specific to the definition of a sexual anorexic. I have felt the seasick sensations of stress. I now find myself, in the uneviable position of, having the bright light of truth shone, into the depth of the darkness of my denial. What to do - when armed with the facts? I'm basically situated between a rock and a hard place.

I discussed my newfound discovery, and dilemma with Grace (my care coordinator). She reassuringly, advised me to take things slow.

I am bemused and my mood has remained sombre.

I think that it was Joe McQ that said "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable!"