Attached to my work monitor, are two postcards which seem to encapsulate my position at this stage in my life. I seem to gain extra motivation, whenever I read them. One, is from 'Moving People' www.movingpeople.org.uk aka 'Time for Change', which has the message "I'm joining the fight to end mental health stigma and discrimination". The other, is from 'Stonewall' www.stonewall.org.uk which has the message, "Some People are Gay. Get over it!
I am currently thrilled about three things. First - I have had a place reserved for me, to be at the Be a councillor seminar on Saturday 18th October 2008. www.londoncouncils.gov.uk Second - I have received my tickets to see The Nutcracker with my son, on Saturday 3rd January 2009. www.roh.org.uk Third - I have managed to reserve a place for my son and myself to have Afternoon tea at The Ritz Hotel www.theritzlondon.com on Saturday 31st January 2009.
Monday, 6 October 2008
Sunday, 5 October 2008
'A Love That Dare Not Speak It's Name?'
On Friday I was given information about the forthcoming, 7-9th Nov 2008, London Transgender Film Festival 2008 http://transgenderfilmfestival.co.uk/
Today I was also delighted to find a copy of 7-17th Nov 2008, 10th anniversary Black World Cinema, bfm international film festival http://www.bfmmedia.com/ booklet, in my letterbox.
While I ate a 'Kaisen Ramen' meal at Fujiyama http://www.newfujiyama.com/ a Japanese restaurant. I reflected on the fact that, this year I had not attended the 27th March - 10th April 2008, 22nd London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival www.bfi.org.uk/llgff and I wondered whether I would be attending the 15-30th Oct 2008, 52nd London Film Festival www.bfi.org.uk/lff
My initial attendance at the 1995, 38th London Film Festival, was to see the premier of 'Thin Ice', the first British Lesbian feature film. I had spent time working on 'Thin Ice' as a runner, after my first experience as a medicated in-patient in a psychiatric hospital. 'Thin Ice' was directed by Fiona Cunningham-Reid. www.imdb.com/title/tt0111413/ It is a Lesbian romantic comedy about two girls entering a figure skating competition at the Gay games in New York 1994. Steffi, an ambitious photographer and previously straight Natalie win the gold medal for Britain.
Today I recalled, just how much I used to enjoy, attending the 'Halloween Society', www.luxonline.org.uk/education/learning_tours/the_halloween_society(1).html at the Notre Dame Hall. I think it's amazing that the Halloween will be presenting the 6th London Short Film Festival, Fri 9th - Sun 18th January 2009. http://www.shortfilms.org.uk/ which has a Friday 24th October 2008, Submission deadline.
Last year I also had a fantastic time, when I attended my first Mental Health Media Awards http://www.mhmawards.net/ presentation, hosted by Trisha Goddard www.trishatv.com/ at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA), on World Mental Health Day. This year it will be held at (BAFTA), but take place on the 25th November 2008.
This evening, when I finally returned to my abode, I found a church pamphlet with the Programme for November/December 2008. I am, understandably, interested in the topic:
'A Love that dare not speak it's name?'
What is the future for Gay people in Christianity and how might the local church help Gay people find a home? 8pm Wednesday 19th November 2008, by St Mary's Putney http://www.allsaintsputney.co.uk/ The Faith Forum is titled ' For the Bible Tells Me So', Searching for an inclusive Church. I am eager to attend. But I am disappointed that I will not be able to be present at the 8pm, Wed 12th November, Screening of the award winning documentary film 'For the Bible tells me so' which examines the experiences of Gay Christians and the Churches attitude to Homosexuality.
Today I was also delighted to find a copy of 7-17th Nov 2008, 10th anniversary Black World Cinema, bfm international film festival http://www.bfmmedia.com/ booklet, in my letterbox.
While I ate a 'Kaisen Ramen' meal at Fujiyama http://www.newfujiyama.com/ a Japanese restaurant. I reflected on the fact that, this year I had not attended the 27th March - 10th April 2008, 22nd London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival www.bfi.org.uk/llgff and I wondered whether I would be attending the 15-30th Oct 2008, 52nd London Film Festival www.bfi.org.uk/lff
My initial attendance at the 1995, 38th London Film Festival, was to see the premier of 'Thin Ice', the first British Lesbian feature film. I had spent time working on 'Thin Ice' as a runner, after my first experience as a medicated in-patient in a psychiatric hospital. 'Thin Ice' was directed by Fiona Cunningham-Reid. www.imdb.com/title/tt0111413/ It is a Lesbian romantic comedy about two girls entering a figure skating competition at the Gay games in New York 1994. Steffi, an ambitious photographer and previously straight Natalie win the gold medal for Britain.
Today I recalled, just how much I used to enjoy, attending the 'Halloween Society', www.luxonline.org.uk/education/learning_tours/the_halloween_society(1).html at the Notre Dame Hall. I think it's amazing that the Halloween will be presenting the 6th London Short Film Festival, Fri 9th - Sun 18th January 2009. http://www.shortfilms.org.uk/ which has a Friday 24th October 2008, Submission deadline.
Last year I also had a fantastic time, when I attended my first Mental Health Media Awards http://www.mhmawards.net/ presentation, hosted by Trisha Goddard www.trishatv.com/ at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA), on World Mental Health Day. This year it will be held at (BAFTA), but take place on the 25th November 2008.
This evening, when I finally returned to my abode, I found a church pamphlet with the Programme for November/December 2008. I am, understandably, interested in the topic:
'A Love that dare not speak it's name?'
What is the future for Gay people in Christianity and how might the local church help Gay people find a home? 8pm Wednesday 19th November 2008, by St Mary's Putney http://www.allsaintsputney.co.uk/ The Faith Forum is titled ' For the Bible Tells Me So', Searching for an inclusive Church. I am eager to attend. But I am disappointed that I will not be able to be present at the 8pm, Wed 12th November, Screening of the award winning documentary film 'For the Bible tells me so' which examines the experiences of Gay Christians and the Churches attitude to Homosexuality.
My Ray Of Light.
I am currently listening to the track 'I wish' from a 'Prodical Son' www.gospelreggae.com c.d. He is a gospel reggae artist, whose lyrics are making me laugh, as I reminisce the five and a half hours, of wonderful time, spent with my son, yesterday.
When I collected my son from his foster parent's, I noticed that his hair, though neat - as it had been given a trim earlier in the day, was slightly longer than it has been in some years. My son had, initially told me that he wanted to grow his hair longer four years ago, but had not actioned his decision. Yesterday my son's foster father commented, that my son may well end up with hair like - Jimi Hendrix www.jimihendrix.com My son's foster father also mentioned that my son can now, and does, read his Beano www.beanotown.com magazines.
As promised, I took my son to McDonald's - at his request, and then to see my office. He met two of my colleagues - one of whom, gave him some Chelsea FC www.chelseafc.com memorabilia. This time last year, this same colleague had also given me a large Audrey Hepburn www.audreyhepburn.com 'Breakfast at Tiffany' poster for my son. My son has been fond of Audrey's image for some time. While visiting my office, my son told me that he liked the office chairs at my workplace.
Our last stop, was the Science Museum www.sciencemuseum.org.uk again. This time, not only did my son purchased some small model aeroplanes from the shop - to add to his collection, but we also enjoyed a ride on a simulator, and we watched a 3D showing of 'Monsters' in the Imax 3D Cinema.
On the way home, my son told me that he is involved in a class project at his school. The class is building a conker giant from sixty-one conkers. His teacher is making a draft and the class are 'writing' it into their books. I know, the news that my son has started the writing process in school, will be 'music to the ears' of my mother. She has spent years worrying that her beloved grandson, will arrive in adulthood - illiterate, due to a lifetime of Rudolf Steiner education. www.freedom-in-education.co.uk/Steiner.htm
Throughout our time together, yesterday, my son kept calling me 'Yvonne'. When he does this, I always respond by telling him "It's mum, to you" and start tickling him. It has become one of his way of gaining more physical attention, from me, aside from my kisses, cuddles, positive affirmations and verbally telling him that I love him. Perhaps he also did it yesterday, because he had not physically seen me for two weeks.
When I collected my son from his foster parent's, I noticed that his hair, though neat - as it had been given a trim earlier in the day, was slightly longer than it has been in some years. My son had, initially told me that he wanted to grow his hair longer four years ago, but had not actioned his decision. Yesterday my son's foster father commented, that my son may well end up with hair like - Jimi Hendrix www.jimihendrix.com My son's foster father also mentioned that my son can now, and does, read his Beano www.beanotown.com magazines.
As promised, I took my son to McDonald's - at his request, and then to see my office. He met two of my colleagues - one of whom, gave him some Chelsea FC www.chelseafc.com memorabilia. This time last year, this same colleague had also given me a large Audrey Hepburn www.audreyhepburn.com 'Breakfast at Tiffany' poster for my son. My son has been fond of Audrey's image for some time. While visiting my office, my son told me that he liked the office chairs at my workplace.
Our last stop, was the Science Museum www.sciencemuseum.org.uk again. This time, not only did my son purchased some small model aeroplanes from the shop - to add to his collection, but we also enjoyed a ride on a simulator, and we watched a 3D showing of 'Monsters' in the Imax 3D Cinema.
On the way home, my son told me that he is involved in a class project at his school. The class is building a conker giant from sixty-one conkers. His teacher is making a draft and the class are 'writing' it into their books. I know, the news that my son has started the writing process in school, will be 'music to the ears' of my mother. She has spent years worrying that her beloved grandson, will arrive in adulthood - illiterate, due to a lifetime of Rudolf Steiner education. www.freedom-in-education.co.uk/Steiner.htm
Throughout our time together, yesterday, my son kept calling me 'Yvonne'. When he does this, I always respond by telling him "It's mum, to you" and start tickling him. It has become one of his way of gaining more physical attention, from me, aside from my kisses, cuddles, positive affirmations and verbally telling him that I love him. Perhaps he also did it yesterday, because he had not physically seen me for two weeks.
Saturday, 4 October 2008
Going To The Extremes To Find The Centre.
Open Up Toolkit - Mental Health Media - The 'Open Up Toolkit' is a resource website established by Mental Health Media to encourage service users and survivors to come together to combat stigma...: www.openuptoolkit.net
Uniquely4girls/Champagne Dining Club - London lesbian dining club for professional gay women to meet for lunch / dinner / social events: www.uniquely4girls.co.uk
g3 magazine for lesbian and bisexual women - g3 magazine - Lesbian magazine for diva events - civil partnership guide - gaydar girls - gay pride- lesbian contacts - shop - news and fun: www.g3mag.co.uk
GT - Gay Times - Gay news, features, UK scene news and events. Including UK gay law and a worldwide gay guide. Online version of the print magazine: http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/
Central London Action on Street Health - Targets people who sell sex, gay and bisexual men, and people at risk from HIV and other blood borne viruses.
Languages spoken: Access to interpreters available.
Parent body: Camden Primary Care Trust.
Offers advice, information, counselling, support and referrals on health issues, particularly HIV/ AIDS, safer sex and drug use. Phone for a chat or an appointment. Provides sexual health and HIV advice in a variety of community settings including bars, youth groups, hostels and temporary accommodation, saunas and massage parlours, etc. Provides training to clients and staff who live and work in Camden. Condom Shop (Women only): Mon, Fri 09.00-13.00, Fri 14.30-16.30. Sexual health clinics: Mon 09.00-11.00, (women only by appointment), Fri 08.45-13.00 (women only walk in). Steroid users group: 1st Friday of every month 17.30-21.00.
Last checked: February 2008
Information taken from Cindex local information database : www.camden.gov.uk/redirect/?oid=%5Bcom.arsdigita.cms.contenttypes.SiteProxy:%7Bid=48075%7D%5D
Inspired by recently aquiring the October 2008 'g3', which features an Ani DiFranco interview, I am currently listening to Ani www.rightousbabe.com/ani online. I first became aquainted with Ani Franco's music, when my manager downloaded her 'Little Plastic Castles' and 'Puddle Dive' cd's onto my ipod. I have since purchased her 'Reprieve', 'Educated Guess' and 'Evolve' cd's. 'Little Plastic Castles' remains one of my favourite cd's, and I have been amazed by Ani DiFranco's innovative artistry throughout, especially whilst listening the track 'Two Little Girls'.
I found the 'g3' 'Bringing up Baby'..."having a child within a lesbian relationship has never been easier. Maggie Allen looks at how things have changed in recent years." topic fantastic. I find it really interesting to map progress. In my time, I consulted books such as 'Considering Parenthood' a book for lesbians thinking about becoming parents' by Cheri Pies, and 'It's a family affair' the complete lesbian parenting book by Lisa Saffron and found them extremely helpful.
This month 'g3' also interviewed some lesbian and bisexual sex workers, to find out what makes them want to turn to a profession that services men, in the report titled 'Sleeping with the Enemy'. "Prostitution is a difficult life. It can be called brave and foolish, daring and lazy, damaged and empowering. Few issues have so many contradictions at their heart. Kathryn Fox asks: Why would lesbians, of all women, make the sexual service of men a career choice?"
This report awakened memories of my four year employment as an Outreach Worker, with Central London Action on Street Health (C.L.A.S.H), prior to the onset of my personal experience of mental illness. Whilst working at C.L.A.S.H, I had a wide brief which, amongst other things, also included the Soho area female Sex Industry workers, and the regular facilitation of HIV/AIDS preventative training in Holloway Women's Prison.
Uniquely4girls/Champagne Dining Club - London lesbian dining club for professional gay women to meet for lunch / dinner / social events: www.uniquely4girls.co.uk
g3 magazine for lesbian and bisexual women - g3 magazine - Lesbian magazine for diva events - civil partnership guide - gaydar girls - gay pride- lesbian contacts - shop - news and fun: www.g3mag.co.uk
GT - Gay Times - Gay news, features, UK scene news and events. Including UK gay law and a worldwide gay guide. Online version of the print magazine: http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/
Central London Action on Street Health - Targets people who sell sex, gay and bisexual men, and people at risk from HIV and other blood borne viruses.
Languages spoken: Access to interpreters available.
Parent body: Camden Primary Care Trust.
Offers advice, information, counselling, support and referrals on health issues, particularly HIV/ AIDS, safer sex and drug use. Phone for a chat or an appointment. Provides sexual health and HIV advice in a variety of community settings including bars, youth groups, hostels and temporary accommodation, saunas and massage parlours, etc. Provides training to clients and staff who live and work in Camden. Condom Shop (Women only): Mon, Fri 09.00-13.00, Fri 14.30-16.30. Sexual health clinics: Mon 09.00-11.00, (women only by appointment), Fri 08.45-13.00 (women only walk in). Steroid users group: 1st Friday of every month 17.30-21.00.
Last checked: February 2008
Information taken from Cindex local information database : www.camden.gov.uk/redirect/?oid=%5Bcom.arsdigita.cms.contenttypes.SiteProxy:%7Bid=48075%7D%5D
Inspired by recently aquiring the October 2008 'g3', which features an Ani DiFranco interview, I am currently listening to Ani www.rightousbabe.com/ani online. I first became aquainted with Ani Franco's music, when my manager downloaded her 'Little Plastic Castles' and 'Puddle Dive' cd's onto my ipod. I have since purchased her 'Reprieve', 'Educated Guess' and 'Evolve' cd's. 'Little Plastic Castles' remains one of my favourite cd's, and I have been amazed by Ani DiFranco's innovative artistry throughout, especially whilst listening the track 'Two Little Girls'.
I found the 'g3' 'Bringing up Baby'..."having a child within a lesbian relationship has never been easier. Maggie Allen looks at how things have changed in recent years." topic fantastic. I find it really interesting to map progress. In my time, I consulted books such as 'Considering Parenthood' a book for lesbians thinking about becoming parents' by Cheri Pies, and 'It's a family affair' the complete lesbian parenting book by Lisa Saffron and found them extremely helpful.
This month 'g3' also interviewed some lesbian and bisexual sex workers, to find out what makes them want to turn to a profession that services men, in the report titled 'Sleeping with the Enemy'. "Prostitution is a difficult life. It can be called brave and foolish, daring and lazy, damaged and empowering. Few issues have so many contradictions at their heart. Kathryn Fox asks: Why would lesbians, of all women, make the sexual service of men a career choice?"
This report awakened memories of my four year employment as an Outreach Worker, with Central London Action on Street Health (C.L.A.S.H), prior to the onset of my personal experience of mental illness. Whilst working at C.L.A.S.H, I had a wide brief which, amongst other things, also included the Soho area female Sex Industry workers, and the regular facilitation of HIV/AIDS preventative training in Holloway Women's Prison.
Friday, 3 October 2008
An Advent Of Things Memorable.
The Besom - provides a bridge between those who want to give and those who are in need: http://www.besom.com/
Get Moving Week - is a mass participation activity in October. All over England people are organising events to promote the benefits of physical exercise...while improving their mental well being...: http://www.getmovingweek.org.uk/
Quakers : http://www.quaker.org.uk/
Lambeth Black History Month: www.lambeth.gov.uk/Services/LeisureCulture/Libraries/BlackHistoryMonth.htm
Yesterday evening, I enjoyed a delicious Eritrean meal at a restaurant in Lambeth http://www.adulis.co.uk/ This signified the start of my October 2008 celebration of Black History Month.
Quaker week also takes place within the month of October, and begins on the 4th, as does Get Moving Week. World Mental Health Day is on the 10th and last, but not least, will be my and Lady Margaret Thatcher's (the first woman to be Prime Minister of Great Britain) www.margaretthatcher.org birthday on the 13th.
Get Moving Week - is a mass participation activity in October. All over England people are organising events to promote the benefits of physical exercise...while improving their mental well being...: http://www.getmovingweek.org.uk/
Quakers : http://www.quaker.org.uk/
Lambeth Black History Month: www.lambeth.gov.uk/Services/LeisureCulture/Libraries/BlackHistoryMonth.htm
Yesterday evening, I enjoyed a delicious Eritrean meal at a restaurant in Lambeth http://www.adulis.co.uk/ This signified the start of my October 2008 celebration of Black History Month.
Quaker week also takes place within the month of October, and begins on the 4th, as does Get Moving Week. World Mental Health Day is on the 10th and last, but not least, will be my and Lady Margaret Thatcher's (the first woman to be Prime Minister of Great Britain) www.margaretthatcher.org birthday on the 13th.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Lest I Forget.
Core Trust - offers a holistic approach for people with drug, alcohol or other addictions (including to prescribed drugs and for eating disorders) through a structured day programme. Detoxification, rehabilitation, aftercare, and relapse prevention using complimentary therapies, counselling and groupwork: www.coretrust.co.uk
Antidote - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Drug & Alcohol Support - runs a drop-in centre, offering advice and support to lesbians, gay men, bisexual and transgendered people with a drug or alcohol problem. Ear acupuncture available...staffed by lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered people: www.thehungerford.org/antidote.asp
Quit - The UK Charity that helps people give up smoking - practical advice on giving up: www.quit.org.uk
Mad Pride - puts on survivors events, gigs, club nights and concerts, publishes writings and books, brings out cassettes and CDs, and runs campaigns. Mad Pride is committed to ending discrimination against psychiatric patients and celebrating mad culture: www.madpride.org.uk
Last night, I had a rough night of restless sleep and nightmarish dreams. I also seem to have caught the latest office cold, from my colleagues.
I am teetering on the edge of a self-inflicted emotional rebellion.
Whilst I do recognise that change is essential. For me, the process of change is much like, constantly ascending an unending and descending escalator, with the sole intention of reaching the unachievable summit. Constant progressive motion is required in order to maintain the same position. While resting for too long, puts one at a great disadvantage.
I know, that I am dragging my feet, and taking too long getting to action. My recognition of the need for me to change is uncomfortable, so I want to relinquish my responsibilities and 'act out'. Wrap myself in the madness, and do something outside of myself, to change the way I feel. I want to throw my dummy out of the pram! Which won't help in the long run.
Antidote - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Drug & Alcohol Support - runs a drop-in centre, offering advice and support to lesbians, gay men, bisexual and transgendered people with a drug or alcohol problem. Ear acupuncture available...staffed by lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered people: www.thehungerford.org/antidote.asp
Quit - The UK Charity that helps people give up smoking - practical advice on giving up: www.quit.org.uk
Mad Pride - puts on survivors events, gigs, club nights and concerts, publishes writings and books, brings out cassettes and CDs, and runs campaigns. Mad Pride is committed to ending discrimination against psychiatric patients and celebrating mad culture: www.madpride.org.uk
Last night, I had a rough night of restless sleep and nightmarish dreams. I also seem to have caught the latest office cold, from my colleagues.
I am teetering on the edge of a self-inflicted emotional rebellion.
Whilst I do recognise that change is essential. For me, the process of change is much like, constantly ascending an unending and descending escalator, with the sole intention of reaching the unachievable summit. Constant progressive motion is required in order to maintain the same position. While resting for too long, puts one at a great disadvantage.
I know, that I am dragging my feet, and taking too long getting to action. My recognition of the need for me to change is uncomfortable, so I want to relinquish my responsibilities and 'act out'. Wrap myself in the madness, and do something outside of myself, to change the way I feel. I want to throw my dummy out of the pram! Which won't help in the long run.
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Let's Go With The Evidence.
Gaydargirls - is the largest selection of lesbian personals on the web: www.gaydargirls.com
Gay and Lesbian Association of Doctors and Dentists: www.gladd.org.uk
OUTeverywhere - whatever you're into, wherever you are, Outeverywhere offers you the chance to get in touch with gay people who share your interests...: www.outeverywhere.com
Pink Sofa - is the biggest online lesbian meeting place where likeminded women can meet and interact in a comfortable and friendly environment: www.pinksofa.com
In recent days, it was suggested to me, that I consider the possibility ,that I may be a sexual anorexic. I'm not a prude, but I had never heard of such a term. I was advised to keep an open mind and google search it.
Unsurprisingly, since realising that, I exhibit a host of similarities specific to the definition of a sexual anorexic. I have felt the seasick sensations of stress. I now find myself, in the uneviable position of, having the bright light of truth shone, into the depth of the darkness of my denial. What to do - when armed with the facts? I'm basically situated between a rock and a hard place.
I discussed my newfound discovery, and dilemma with Grace (my care coordinator). She reassuringly, advised me to take things slow.
I am bemused and my mood has remained sombre.
I think that it was Joe McQ that said "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable!"
Gay and Lesbian Association of Doctors and Dentists: www.gladd.org.uk
OUTeverywhere - whatever you're into, wherever you are, Outeverywhere offers you the chance to get in touch with gay people who share your interests...: www.outeverywhere.com
Pink Sofa - is the biggest online lesbian meeting place where likeminded women can meet and interact in a comfortable and friendly environment: www.pinksofa.com
In recent days, it was suggested to me, that I consider the possibility ,that I may be a sexual anorexic. I'm not a prude, but I had never heard of such a term. I was advised to keep an open mind and google search it.
Unsurprisingly, since realising that, I exhibit a host of similarities specific to the definition of a sexual anorexic. I have felt the seasick sensations of stress. I now find myself, in the uneviable position of, having the bright light of truth shone, into the depth of the darkness of my denial. What to do - when armed with the facts? I'm basically situated between a rock and a hard place.
I discussed my newfound discovery, and dilemma with Grace (my care coordinator). She reassuringly, advised me to take things slow.
I am bemused and my mood has remained sombre.
I think that it was Joe McQ that said "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable!"
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